


Something in The Way

by neversaydie



Series: Somewhat Damaged [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Aftermath, Bipolar Disorder, Clint Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs Hugs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Somewhat Damaged 'verse, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 20:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As it turns out, Clint doesn't get to do the whole, waking up slowly, 'I'm so glad you're alive you asshole never do that to me again,' tears and promises to be better thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something in The Way

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: catatonia, aftermath of suicide attempt. Most of the heavy stuff doesn't happen in this part. 
> 
> A lot of people were worried about Clint being okay, so I thought I'd give you guys a short update rather than leave you hanging for a long time, since I know I'm not going to be able to post in the next few days. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments/kudos/reading, I can't believe the response this series has got and I'm so thankful you like it. Sorry for all the suspense (not sorry).

"—and we have the facilities to take care of him."

"Sir—"

"This man doesn't need to be on a psych hold. Do you know what's going to happen if he wakes up alone—"

"Sir."

"—in a strange place? I'm talking bug-outs with military training behind them, lady."

"I'm sure—"

"You don't have one person in this place capable of restraining him if he freaks out. I _guarantee you_ that."

"Mr Stark—"

"Oh, you do know who I am. So you're aware that I'll just buy this hospital if—"

"Tony."

This time it's Phil's voice, cracking. Clint tries to open his eyes, but he can't. His eyelids are too heavy and he feels himself sink back down into the dark as the voices drone on.

"Just let the woman do her job and shut up for a while, please."

"I was just…"

*

As it turns out, Clint doesn't get to do the whole, waking up slowly, _I'm so glad you're alive you asshole never do that to me again_ , tears and promises to be better thing.

What actually happens is that he wakes up to a nurse looming over him, and he knocks her out. He feels bad about it, in hindsight, but at the time he's in a full-blown flashback and couldn't tell you which way was up, let alone follow a moral compass. Everything in his mind is mixed up, and it's New York and Afghanistan and Loki and his father all at once, and he goes into overload.

They strap him down. He fights them every step of the way, because he knows what comes after the restraints and he won't get belted again for something Barney did and it wasn't his fucking fault—

The flashbacks don't stop until he hears Phil's voice guiding him back. Phil, who immediately takes the restraints off Clint once he's stopped thrashing, and chews out medical staff for _not looking in his goddamn file it's annotated right on the first page I've seen it myself for God's sake_. Phil, who's the light guiding him home through the fog that swallows him whole. Phil, who starts to feel his own panic when Clint doesn't respond.

Clint's eyes stay open, this time, but he still falls back into the blank space he's made to keep himself safe.

It's not like drowning. It's more like being nothing at all.

*

Sometimes he hears people talk to him, sometimes about him, or sometimes just within his earshot. He doesn't know if they're aware he can hear them. He's not sure if he's actually hearing them or just imagining it. He's not sure if it actually matters, either way.

At this point, he's not sure if anything does.

*

"Fury thinks—"

"I don't give a damn what Fury thinks. No Hawkeye, no Avengers."

"With all due respect, Captain, you can't speak for the team in these circumstances."

"Clint is part of this team. You ask any one of them individually and they'll tell you the same thing. His position is not negotiable."

"This isn't a negotiation."

"You're right, Agent Hill, it isn't."

"Barton hasn't been in the field in months. With this setback… I wouldn't feel comfortable clearing him for desk duty, let alone field work with the team."

"That, ma'am, is entirely SHIELD's fault. Barton was getting back on track and doing just fine before your people decided to use him as a lab rat."

"Captain Rogers—"

"There is no Avengers without Agent Barton. We will go public if Fury tries to strong arm us or go behind our backs, you tell him that from me. No him, no us. That's my last word on it."

*

He doesn't know how long it is before he finally breaks the surface. When he does, it's like everything swims into focus at once, like he's dozed off in a meeting and suddenly found himself mid-conversation that he doesn't remember the start of.

It's not quite as magical quick-fix as all that, but it seems pretty special to everyone else. As far as he can tell from the way they're all happy to see him, anyway.

*

"—so he got kicked out. That's Tony's problem, he means well but he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut."

Clint blinks, languidly. Realises he's doing it and blinks again, controlling his muscles for the first time in what seems like an age. There's no slow blur into focus, everything is right in front of him _SNAP_ straight away. Purple flowers on the bedside table, someone's sketchpad, a half-empty bag of candy.

Shit, he's back.

"I think he's still trying to buy the place. Steve's getting close to knocking him out the next time he starts ranting about it."

Wait, someone's talking. Someone can help.

Laboriously, Clint rolls his head to face the other side of the bed. Banner, sitting in a plastic chair, loosely holding a newspaper and looking more rumpled than usual, startles at the movement. Clint doesn't know that he's moved occasionally over the past couple of days, getting into a new position and staying there for hours before moving again, but this is the first time Bruce has witnessed such an event first hand.

Then he realises Clint's eyes are focused.

"Clint?" The newspaper slides to the floor, forgotten, as Bruce leans closer. "Hey, man. Can you hear me?"

"M'alive?" His voice is croaky with disuse, but it works well enough. A grin breaks out of Banner's face to hear it, and Clint wonders if he did something right for a change.

"Yes, you are." He's got his phone out, tapping at the screen rapidly without taking his eyes off Clint. He must be telling the others. Clint never knew Banner was that good at texting.

"How long was I out?"

"A few days. It was touch and go for a little while at the start, but you should be fine, physically." Bruce pauses, looks down at his phone with a frown, and then looks back to Clint. "You were catatonic, wouldn't respond to anything. Your eyes were open, but you weren't awake."

"Fuck."

"Yeah." His phone vibrates and he glances at the screen again before typing again, presumably replying.

"SHIELD's in deep shit over the medication they put you on. Steve and Tony threatened to walk, Tony pulled some funding, and now even Fury's backpedalling. You don't have to worry about staying on the team or anything, we sorted that out."

Bruce is babbling a little, and Clint stops him with a question. Something is off, and he needs to find out what's going on before he fucks something up even more by accident. There's only one person he really wants to see, and he's not seeing him.

"Where's Phil?"


End file.
